Once Upon A Fortnite ...

My boys discovered this very popular video game (Fortnite) last year when our oldest introduced his little brother to it last October.  Our youngest was hooked and rode the wave of Battle Royale throughout the year and into the summer: marking this the summer of Fortnite, World Cup Soccer, Family Movie & Poker Nights, Taco Tuesdays, Pool days, cooking together and our “last summer together” like days of old. This would be one of our many lasts as a family in this home.  However, for every last, there’s always a first…

The irony in all of this was that not only was it a summer of "Fortnite", but within a fortnight I packed up all three of my children for their departures, and we said goodbye on a Saturday, a Thursday and a Friday.  Our youngest was off to California to begin his freshman year 2638.8 miles away.  Our daughter traveled 3341.6 miles over the Atlantic to St Andrews, Scotland, to begin her last year of University.  And our oldest son headed 420.3 miles north to Boston to begin his new career and life in “Bean Town”!!   That was a total of 6400.7 miles traveled within days and in that order.

Yes, I was always that mom who dreaded August, as I always saw it as the time to prepare for my little ones to skirt off to school and I knew I would miss the long summer days with them. Their departures would leave me to bask solo and wonder how could I manage to trick time into slowing down.  However, we all know that time stops for no one.  This Fall would be different though; I wouldn’t be waiting for the door to open and them yell, “What are we having for dinner, I’m starving!"

During the last week, the house was alive and busy as we all worked as a team organizing and packing and trying to enjoy these last moments together as a family of five, while finding laughter in the littlest things and the private family jokes.  I tried to savour each moment, and, at times, would hide out in my back closest to allow myself some private “cry time.”   I knew these moments were special, and I was very happy for the time. However, my heart was cracking a wee bit as I knew change was on the horizon.  This was one of many lasts...

As our children grow from infants, to toddlers and kids, to teenagers and into young adults, we experience different emotions.  At least I did.  Having three babies in 3 1/2 years and in diapers simultaneously proved to be challenging at times.  Especially when one of the wee ones decides to go all Mt. Vesuvius on me 36,000 miles sky high in the airplane, while spurting (blowing) his own lava-like substance (suffer smell included) from his diaper.  As I frantically tried to get the stench & stain of diarrhea off of my shirt, his romper and my right hand, I thanked the "monsters under the beds" for the sweet flight attendant who saw my frustrations. She was kind enough to not only help me with the bathroom door but made sure I had a lovely glass of prosecco when I emerged from that bathroom, my face pleading for acceptance AND a drink!  I always found it astonishing how these little beauties could seriously take me down with one shot of vomit and diarrhea.  

Long gone are the days of dinosaurs and making haunted trails, matchbox cars and building cities, legos and the reading of our favorite childhood books.  I, now, fondly remember stepping on cars in the middle of the night as I screeched out every curse word imaginable, while hopping on one foot and swearing to those monsters under the bed that they better take them before I did!!  Of course, I realized that one day, the stepping on cars would be a fond memory; I knew one day that there would be no more smudges on my windows or doors, and my house would be void of dirt, "turf turds", cheesy poof stains, stinky athletic gear, laughter, arguing, and me yelling, “Who took my brush?” and “Who didn’t lift the toilet seat when you went to the bathroom? Thanks to you I just sat in your pee!”  The answer was always the same from everyone, “It wasn’t me!”... It was ALWAYS the monsters under the bed.

I had an individual (let’s call her “She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’”) who said to me (laughing), “I guess you must not be too close to your children since they all chose to go so far away, or they just can’t wait to get away from you.”  Was this women serious?  Using my “head voice” and channeling my inner Lucy Van Pelt, I said to myself “why I outta slug you!!”.  This was "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Name’s" pathetic attempt at a joke, I believe; it was, to say the least, a very thoughtless joke, indeed.  This encounter lead me to think about my children going far away to their respective universities.  I had the answer, but knowing this particular individual, it would be difficult for her to understand; so I just uttered the first thing that came to mind, “No, I made them go far away so I would have fun and interesting places to visit.”   From her facial expression you would have thought I WAS the monster under the bed!!

As I said, with every last, there’s always a first.  This will be my first time that my husband and I have alone time (in 22 years) and that I can travel with him without feeling guilty.  I am proud to say that our children have been raised to prepare for this: their departure into this brave new world as adults.  They have enough confidence to spread their wings and fly beyond the walls of our safe homestead and into the amazing adventure of adulthood and college life.  They can feel comfortable enjoying this freedom whilst knowing that we are only a phone call, a text, an email and a flight away.

Sure, I will miss many aspects of our times together.  From the times when they clung to me in the middle of a sweltering heatwave in July as I felt them claw and drag my boobs right down by body (and “BOOM" out of my shirt) for everyone to see...it was a tough choice: save the boobs or save the kid (FYI: the kid always won out).  As, COO of the family, I managed everything. I piloted our family schedule like a Blackhawk helicopter on a mission (channeling my sons' COD expertise). I zoomed from their sports schedules to school events to prepping meals (even while trying to please the pickiest of eaters). I never tired of making them the perfect palatable healthy meals such as waffles or mac n’ cheese.  But wait…as every mom knows, there’s always one that doth protest too much…One of my precious ones made me so crazy, I would give up and do a drive by…Chick-fil-a that is!!

There was also that time when I was solo with three vomit-diarhea-snot-nosed kids beckoning me at every moment as I lay on the floor between their bedrooms and the bathroom, waiting for the next triple assault to wipe me out. This time, I knew the next Vesuvian eruption would engulf all of us and bury us, with my husband arriving home only to find us as if we'd been buried for centuries.  No, back then time did not go fast.  No, back then time played tricks on me.

Now here I am, and I find myself asking where did the time go?  The answer is simple.  Time didn’t go anywhere.  She is always there moving forward, and the answer is to live in each moment and into each moment, live.   For these moments in time will be your lifeline to your past as well as the indelible memories that get you through the day when saying goodbye.  

I look back and realize how lucky and blessed I’ve been.  I had this chance to give birth and raise three amazing little humans who have helped me to become the person I am today.  Nothing is perfect, including them, including me.  However, perfection is overrated, and it’s more fun being imperfectly perfect.  So, as we said goodbye and the tears dried up, I said to myself, “MY KIDS FREAKING ROCK!”  

They have become better people because of the sum of our mistakes, love, faith, family, crazy antics, private jokes, not-so-quiet arguments, and ephemeral tears.  

So tonight, as I went to sleep, the monsters under the bed high-fived me….whilst on their way to play Fortnight!!

My Three Musketeers!!!

This is dedicated to my three musketeers and the monsters under the bed who kept me sane.  I love you to infinity and beyond, cubed-squared, to the googolplex power forever and ever!

  - Your Momma xx